Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
