I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My vagina just recognized that song.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Randomize
