my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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