shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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