You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
