I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
