the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
