I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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