Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
