I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
