I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
