20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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