it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
my poor anus
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
