the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We just shotgunned beers for America
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
