It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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