you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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