This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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