Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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