i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
