You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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