dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
