In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
