woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
