9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
