I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We need to rekindle our bromance
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
