Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
