Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
