So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
