oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I could make wine with my vomit
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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