Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
