i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
