there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
