You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
