I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
