How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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