I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think I won the penis lottery.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
