my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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