i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
