Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
