Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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