Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
