you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
