is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When are your genitals available?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
