I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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