maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
