there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
