Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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