I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
