Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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