You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
