Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
